why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
