it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
