i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize