drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We just shotgunned beers for America
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bring me that man meat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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