How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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