I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
