If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
