No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
