hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
