We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
