I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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