She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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