how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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