i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
