Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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