im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
