Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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