I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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