It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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