Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize