i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize