i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
