you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
