you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
being pregnant is like rehab
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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