Apparently you make a good broom.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
