I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
