Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
