it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
