all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
