Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize