The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
