MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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