dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
