Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
