your parents love me but you hate me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
