...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
