whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize