i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she pinky promised me she was 18
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
