his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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