White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
