She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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