he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bring money and cleavage
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
