your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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