The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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