This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
