Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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