i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In other news, I just burned my penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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