apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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