I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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