the condom got lost in my hair
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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