alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
