I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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