do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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