you would pick up someone in the library
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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