In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
