My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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