Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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