so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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