Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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