Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
