Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
