On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
