I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
