Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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