I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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