But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
