Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
