I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
