I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
