and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
