I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
smell my finger.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
