what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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